How to do one-on-ones
Simply put, a regular time to have a private conversation with your staff is one of the most impactful things you can provide them.
I rate one-on-ones (henceforth 1:1s) so highly that I instantly categorize managers who don't do them or do them poorly as unfit for their position.
It's a vital part of the relationship between you and your staff. It's a time to build your relationship, a time to talk through difficult issues, and a time for you to provide wider guidance and mentoring. More can be achieved in a dedicated 15-, 30-, or 60-minute session than in an entire week of passive management.
I genuinely view 1:1s as a gift. Not through the lens of some weird power play where 'I, the manager, pick and choose who deserves my gift', but in the sense that a gift should be respected once given. Managers who regularly rebook, are late too, or cut short 1:1s with their staff are disrespecting their staff. I know those people; I've worked with many of them. There is always an emergency, something pressing, or it's just another 'busy' week. Those managers are lying to themselves. Emergencies happen, but not twice a month, and you cannot claim to care about your staff in one breath and regularly deprioritize them in the next. Show your staff that they are important by showing up to their 1:1 every time, on time, without any compromise. They will trust you in return, and it will mean the world to them. Nothing cuts me up more inside than hearing people say, "My manager has cancelled the last six 1:1s. It's not management; it's incompetence.
I also think 1:1s should be respected in so far as they shouldn't be left up to chance. Don't 'wing' them; have a plan, some structure, or a goal. I've had many managers who just think it's time to yarn, and while there is nothing wrong with some interpersonal chat, it shouldn't be the whole thing. You don't get anywhere by leaving things to chance, and just 'having a chat' is aimless.
It's a tool for you and your staff member to wield, so how would it be best used? Time is precious, so get the most out of this time together.
If you want or your situation suits a more natural approach to 1:1s, then you can use the time to get to know them better (especially if your relationship is new; build that trust). You can use it to discuss key things that are happening in the workplace and ensure that they understand how they impact them. This is especially useful when change is happening or new strategic directions are being formed.
If you have a high-growth staff member, then sometimes the best approach is to get them to set the agenda every time, and they can use the time to run things by you for your input or your action---especially useful for managers of managers.
Of course, career development is a great use of this time, even if it's a light touch sort of thing where you're not explicitly using the time to teach something or organize some training but instead are providing gentle course corrections or running them through something that is next level for them.
For those wanting or needing a more structured approach to 1:1s---and these are things I did early in my career until I built confidence---I recommend choosing some or all of the below suggestions and putting them into a spreadsheet or document you use for each session. Make sure you save this document somewhere where both you and your staff member can access it; cloud solutions like Google Drive or Office 365 are great for this.
If you are intending to cover multiple topics, don't feel you have to cover them all in one session; spread them out across multiple sessions and revisit them at a natural cadence, i.e., don't cover career development every session. People often don't have time to make progress in such a short period of time.
Please note that none of the following were invented by me; I've stolen, pilfered, and adapted them from colleagues and management assets over the years:
- Emotional Bank Account: In this process, I explain that emotions, energy, and 'giving a fuck' are currencies, and we all have a set amount. Good things in life add to the bank account; bad things detract from the account, and so I ask my staff how their bank account feels today. Is it low, indicating that work or life has been particularly draining; is it neutral because work has been normal; or is it high because things are going well? This specifically isn't asking about the work they are doing, the volume of tasks, or even their satisfaction with the job; it's focused on how they feel at the end. Someone can have their dream job and still be running on an empty emotional bank account. It's a great device to really get an understanding of where they may be at and gives them a different way to talk about how work is impacting them.
- Traffic Light: Much like we might report on a project's status as red, amber, or green, I have asked my team to tell me how their week or work has been in regards to a traffic light. It's similar to the Emotional Bank Account (EBA), but I've used them at the same time to get different responses and understandings about where they are at. For example, a staff member of mine might say it's a red week, but that's because it's a bit of a sprint time for a project and they just need to get the work done. Though they may say that their EBA is green because there's nothing taxing about the work, everything is clear, and they know what to do, they just need to get it done. I've also used it to measure my workload. In teams, especially operational teams, where people are handling lots of small things, it can be a good indication of whether they are feeling overworked or not.
- Career Development I think 1:1s are the perfect venue to talk about career development. However, I'm going to go into more detail in a separate guide. Just make sure that you are leaving regular time in your 1:1s to focus on career development. It doesn't always have to be every session; leave a few sessions between chats, but a 1:1 is the perfect venue to hold both of you accountable for what you said you would do.
- Cultural Check-In:Â Many workplaces have cultural values that they have pinned up as the cornerstone of the organization. And regardless of how you perceive them, they exist as a backdrop to decisions, strategies, and change that occur around the organization. In some companies, they even count as part of the remuneration cycle. So why not talk about it and touch base, answer any questions, present some thoughts and ideas, or even ask them to present how they think they match those values? As cringe-worthy as that sounds, it can be a good litmus test of understanding, especially if you think they lack that specific value and they think they excel at it. Values can be a double-edged sword.
- **Practical, hands-on example:Â **In the past, I have found value in doing some work in front of my staff 1:1 to get them comfortable with how I'm doing things, what I'm thinking about, and how things are being carried out. One thing I got a lot of value out of was prioritizing work with some of my staff, especially the ones growing in leadership capacity. It allowed me to test their thinking and explain what went into my decisions, and for them, it was a lot of benefit.
You will notice I've not once covered what the right length or frequency of 1:1 is. That differs for every team and person. My suggestion is always to start conservative and give it room to grow rather than going too aggressive. For example, 30 minutes every fortnight allows you to increase it to every week or a full hour if you find you are regularly running over time. This is far better than setting up a weekly hour-long session and regularly ending after 15 minutes because you have run out of things to talk about.
It's a process that will grow with you and your staff member. Early on, you may have lots of awkward silence, and you should regularly end it early. People take time to open up. But as the gears get going, you should find that things settle in, and you will find a natural cadence.
A word of warning, though: be careful what you cover off in 1:1. I recommend never using 1:1 for disciplinary action or uncomfortable conversations. Those should be addressed in a separate session in a timely fashion. It takes a long time to build trust, but it can fall apart easily. Waiting two weeks to tell your staff member they did something wrong because that's when their next 1:1 is isn't good form, and they won't appreciate it. Those things should be addressed as soon as possible, and so should be done in separate forums.
I also suggest editing yourself in 1:1s. Don't use it to gossip; don't divulge personal information about others; and don't share half-baked thoughts or bits of news from higher up. While some of that stuff is just plain unprofessional and can damage trust, your staff may wonder, Who else do you gossip with? Do you gossip about them?
It can also spook your staff and cause unnecessary worry. I learned this lesson the hard way early on in my management career. I thought being super transparent all the time would be useful to my staff and avoid the perception of keeping secrets, but in reality, it caused more problems than it solved. Because they lacked all the necessary context and background I had, they would draw different conclusions about things and would worry.
What you communicate can have massive ripples that last a lot longer than you think, so you do need to be constantly editing what you say. More about this in a separate article.
Feel free to reach out if you have a question, all my links are in my Linktree and if you want to show some extra gratitude you can buy me a coffee through my Linktree.